Thank you for coming back to read another year in my life. By now, you would have figured out my thought process and methodology of doing things. I knew I had to achieve something, something big, something that people couldn't imagine was possible. I knew I was meant for something big, but I didn't know what. I wanted to be successful on all scales, something like an all-rounder. I was looking at fame and success in this year. You'll get to know what I actually achieved. I guess all-rounders are amazing at all the fields they touch, and the popularity they had, was what I was actually after. I was still worried about how society saw me, and I didn't want to look bad in front of them. So, I tried to use all opportunities I got to get famous and successful, and shed the stereotype that was prevalent about me, both outside and inside my social circles. I had, in the words of Warren Buffett, an 'Outer Scorecard'. Lets get back to where I left off last time, and lets take a peak into my 3rd year, my 11th standard, a year turned out to be completely unpredictable, and..........
Year III: 11th standard (2011-12)
This is for all 11th graders and below to read (actually a mustread!!). If you don't qualify, then you can still read and you could probably enjoy comparing your 11th grade experiences with mine!! If this is the first post that you're reading on my blog, I suggested that you read my previous posts to decide on whether you would want to continue reading future posts.
This year, I thought, was gonna be my year. Infact, I was under the impression that both 11th and 12th were gonna be the dragon years of my life. Dragon, because I thought that I was gonna become popular and successful and people were gonna take notice of me. I had armed myself with some good talent and skills, and anyways had a trump card,my academics. It was common understanding, that these 2 years were gonna be mostly about studies, with the JEE being just 2 years away. So, the harder you studied, the better your marks, and more your popularity. It sounded amazing to be called a topper, and everyone looking up to you like a celebrity. People would try to be close to you, help you in all possible ways, all in exchange for your help in studies at any hour of the day. It sounded like fun for me, and I knew this was a ticket to the elite class - a group of people who were popular and successful all-rounders or amazingly good at their field. I wanted to be there and I knew what I had to do.
11th, I thought, wouldn't have any problems, atleast for a guy like me. The good thing was there would be no problem about classes. I would be in the Computer science section, which means a load of good guys would be there. Well, atleast they would be nice guys. There would be no worries of getting bullied, and there were very few students in each class (there were only 24 in my class).And the class would be together for 2 years. That meant I would make better friends with better guys. Well, only some become your true friends, others are just classmates you get to know very well. I will explain that sentence sometime later. In any case, they were gonna be good classmates, with whom its easier to share worries, discuss ideas and even celebrate. 11th, I thought, was gonna be kickass.
The first 4 months, were actually very good for me. I actually loved going to school everyday and meeting these guys. I was pretty surprised by this fact. I was making friends with people who had known me for me a long time, but of whom I had never even heard of. It was nice to get this attention, and be given priority over others. A general hierarchy was forming even before I knew it was, and I was on the top rung. This is what I loved and wanted so much. And with each day, it only got better. I started chatting about lots of things, and I was able to get the attention of everyone in and even some outside class. I could attract a small circle of people whenever I talked about something, anything.
In those months, studies went on an upbeat. I was acing every test and was virtually unbeatable. I was much better than the guys in my class, and they were no competition at all. Even in comparison to other classes, I was like a virtual topper. People I met in the corridors of the senior block, started calling me a 'topper'. I liked that a lot, and could never stop blushing, whenever they said that. Of course, the title got irritating very soon, but atleast they acknowledged me for my dedication and hard work. At my coaching institute, I wasn't a topper, though I should have been, considering my entrance test rank. Nevertheless, my performance was pretty decent over there. In my first 3 tests, I was able to get 45% plus and a rank in the top 100. I was considered a better student, with better chances of getting into IIT. Most people were finding it tough to get marks at all in the tests. In any case, things change with one clap of the hands, so never think you can sustain your performance without continuous effort. I'll come to that later.
My schoolmates and teachers got continuous input about who was doing well and who didn't stand a chance, in the coaching institutes. They now realized that I could be IIT material, and started giving more liberty and freedom in school, besides being partial to me on many occasions. They started including me in whatever they did. One example was football. They started including me in their games and made me the captain on several occasions. I was getting better at goalkeeping, but neither was I amazing. But to the best footballers in our class, giving more importance, was like associating themselves as good friends of mine. These guys were seen as having more precedence when it came to asking for help. They started asking bigger favours, which were going out of hand. Another example was food. If I helped someone with homework or taught something to someone, then I was entitled to have a good share of the food they brought to school. So if my lunchbox wasn't exciting, then I could go to any of my 'friends' and take some of their lunch. I didn't have to suffer the bruises that came when everyone fought over some guy's paneer or channa masala or chicken. Those times were fun and my memory of people chasing the birthday boy to give him resounding birthday bumps is still very much alive in my mind.
Teachers now had a bigger goal that they wanted to achieve........it wasn't about getting more CBSE toppers..........it was about getting more guys into IIT. This sort of achievement would further swell the popularity and the pride of the school, besides allowing the management to increase fees exponentially. It was like a domino effect.........more IITians from our school, more people would want to put their children in our school, and more would be the fees collected. With continuous working up, there would be more IITians, and the cycle would continue. Also, the school was pretty pumped up about the results for the last 2 years, as we had sent a couple of guys to the IITs and foreign universities like NUS, NTU, Purdue, GeorgiaTech etc. They wanted to maintain the same impression with our batch, so they tried their level best to keep us going. They had integrated coaching for the JEE, with another institute's teachers coming and teaching the JEE syllabus. Just going off the record, going for integrated coaching in your school is a bad idea.
Year III: 11th standard (2011-12)
This is for all 11th graders and below to read (actually a mustread!!). If you don't qualify, then you can still read and you could probably enjoy comparing your 11th grade experiences with mine!! If this is the first post that you're reading on my blog, I suggested that you read my previous posts to decide on whether you would want to continue reading future posts.
This year, I thought, was gonna be my year. Infact, I was under the impression that both 11th and 12th were gonna be the dragon years of my life. Dragon, because I thought that I was gonna become popular and successful and people were gonna take notice of me. I had armed myself with some good talent and skills, and anyways had a trump card,my academics. It was common understanding, that these 2 years were gonna be mostly about studies, with the JEE being just 2 years away. So, the harder you studied, the better your marks, and more your popularity. It sounded amazing to be called a topper, and everyone looking up to you like a celebrity. People would try to be close to you, help you in all possible ways, all in exchange for your help in studies at any hour of the day. It sounded like fun for me, and I knew this was a ticket to the elite class - a group of people who were popular and successful all-rounders or amazingly good at their field. I wanted to be there and I knew what I had to do.
11th, I thought, wouldn't have any problems, atleast for a guy like me. The good thing was there would be no problem about classes. I would be in the Computer science section, which means a load of good guys would be there. Well, atleast they would be nice guys. There would be no worries of getting bullied, and there were very few students in each class (there were only 24 in my class).And the class would be together for 2 years. That meant I would make better friends with better guys. Well, only some become your true friends, others are just classmates you get to know very well. I will explain that sentence sometime later. In any case, they were gonna be good classmates, with whom its easier to share worries, discuss ideas and even celebrate. 11th, I thought, was gonna be kickass.
The first 4 months, were actually very good for me. I actually loved going to school everyday and meeting these guys. I was pretty surprised by this fact. I was making friends with people who had known me for me a long time, but of whom I had never even heard of. It was nice to get this attention, and be given priority over others. A general hierarchy was forming even before I knew it was, and I was on the top rung. This is what I loved and wanted so much. And with each day, it only got better. I started chatting about lots of things, and I was able to get the attention of everyone in and even some outside class. I could attract a small circle of people whenever I talked about something, anything.
In those months, studies went on an upbeat. I was acing every test and was virtually unbeatable. I was much better than the guys in my class, and they were no competition at all. Even in comparison to other classes, I was like a virtual topper. People I met in the corridors of the senior block, started calling me a 'topper'. I liked that a lot, and could never stop blushing, whenever they said that. Of course, the title got irritating very soon, but atleast they acknowledged me for my dedication and hard work. At my coaching institute, I wasn't a topper, though I should have been, considering my entrance test rank. Nevertheless, my performance was pretty decent over there. In my first 3 tests, I was able to get 45% plus and a rank in the top 100. I was considered a better student, with better chances of getting into IIT. Most people were finding it tough to get marks at all in the tests. In any case, things change with one clap of the hands, so never think you can sustain your performance without continuous effort. I'll come to that later.
My schoolmates and teachers got continuous input about who was doing well and who didn't stand a chance, in the coaching institutes. They now realized that I could be IIT material, and started giving more liberty and freedom in school, besides being partial to me on many occasions. They started including me in whatever they did. One example was football. They started including me in their games and made me the captain on several occasions. I was getting better at goalkeeping, but neither was I amazing. But to the best footballers in our class, giving more importance, was like associating themselves as good friends of mine. These guys were seen as having more precedence when it came to asking for help. They started asking bigger favours, which were going out of hand. Another example was food. If I helped someone with homework or taught something to someone, then I was entitled to have a good share of the food they brought to school. So if my lunchbox wasn't exciting, then I could go to any of my 'friends' and take some of their lunch. I didn't have to suffer the bruises that came when everyone fought over some guy's paneer or channa masala or chicken. Those times were fun and my memory of people chasing the birthday boy to give him resounding birthday bumps is still very much alive in my mind.
Teachers now had a bigger goal that they wanted to achieve........it wasn't about getting more CBSE toppers..........it was about getting more guys into IIT. This sort of achievement would further swell the popularity and the pride of the school, besides allowing the management to increase fees exponentially. It was like a domino effect.........more IITians from our school, more people would want to put their children in our school, and more would be the fees collected. With continuous working up, there would be more IITians, and the cycle would continue. Also, the school was pretty pumped up about the results for the last 2 years, as we had sent a couple of guys to the IITs and foreign universities like NUS, NTU, Purdue, GeorgiaTech etc. They wanted to maintain the same impression with our batch, so they tried their level best to keep us going. They had integrated coaching for the JEE, with another institute's teachers coming and teaching the JEE syllabus. Just going off the record, going for integrated coaching in your school is a bad idea.
- Because studying with your friends means you know their capabilties, and if your the best guy in the class, then you'll realize that there is no competition. Automatically, the efforts you put in will also come down and there will be a subsequent degradation in your scores.
- When you know that many guys in your class are your friends, the mood of seriousness is lost. People start chatting and walking around the class at random times, and there is no competitive spirit that can be a real driving factor for IIT aspirants.
- The teacher loses precious time and energy trying to keep the class quiet and to grab their attention again is a mindboggling task. So lesser is learnt, and slowly, the students, and many times teachers themselves, start bunking classes.
These factors are enough to kill your dreams and aspirations. Even a distance learning program is not preferred. DLPs should be taken only if your preparation is done (you have completed your coaching institute modules and are looking for more material to read). That usually never happens unless your top 1500 ranker material. Even in those cases, it is not a good idea to read more material. Instead you should be solving problems in time. Take All India Test Series (AITS) for such practice. There are several books from which self tests can be taken (I will talk about them in future posts). Usually a coaching institute's practice problems are plentiful in number, and there are reference books in the library which will be really useful for the final 6 months. Anyways, I still prefer a classroom program, probably at the institute's center itself, which is what I did. The more distance you travel, the more the determination to achieve and greater is the drive to succeed. That's my opinion and it may vary from person to person. I seemed to be headed for the engineer's Valhala, and my teachers didn't want me to lose track. So they tried to help me in any way possible and thank all my teachers for believing in me during those 2 years. They included me in any interhouse competition that was going on, and even made me an environmental secretary for the school (this was the second successive year I had been included in the school council). My 'friends' liked to tag along with me, just so that they might pick up some big things or some excellent logic from me, which is a very bullshit notion. Don't think you are lesser than anyone, especially if that someone happens to top in some practice tests. The real JEE can make institute ranks look like chicken fodder, and I realized that I beat a lot of guys, who used to consistently beat me in the institute practice tests, by a huge margin in the real exams.
After those months, things took a sudden U-turn. I realized that my 'friends', barring a few nice guys, just were temporary guys. They liked to tag along, and while you're successful, they like to be seen in your company. When you go down, everyone behaves as though they have never heard your name. I had a downturn in fortunes in my school and institute studies. The reason was that I started taking the results to my head. I thought I just needed to study for a couple of hours before the test for a good rank in the practice tests. So I studied lesser and lowered my level of preparation. The results were obvious, still I continued going down the slope. My 'friends' turned their backs on me, all of a sudden. They stopped listening to me, or helping me in small ways. If I was going through bad phases, they didn't want to associate themselves with me. The food and football stopped, and they suddenly started the stereotyping. Things started going from bad to worse. The quality of the class degraded very badly. 3 guys tried to run away from home and 2 got into smoking, drinking and drugs. People started playing games and watching bad videos on their mobiles or iPads while classes went on. Teachers were unable to control us, because we were placed in a completely different corner of the school. Class performance was at an all time low, and teachers were complaining. There were incidents which I was shocked to see happen right in front of me. Once, a couple of guys took another guy's lunchbox and kept it on a street. They got a rabid dog to spit into the box. They then took the box and kept it in the front most desk of the classroom. They threw the chalks and duster into the box and closed the lid of the desk. When the teacher entered the class next day, she couldn't find the duster and asked for it. Some guy said it may be in the front desk. The level of disgust I felt when she picked up the duster and wiped off the food and spit was too much to bear and I banged a desk like mad to control my anger. Another time, we were in the lab and doing a physics experiment. When the teacher wasn't looking, those same guys mixed copper sulphate in the teacher's tea. Later they got so scared, that they forced everyone to sign an agreement saying that if anything were to happen to the teacher, no one would play the blame game. I never signed it. Luckily, nothing has happened to the teacher, and ever since, the copper sulphate bottle has been labelled 'blue jelly'!!! Other incidents involved insulting teachers in private circles, dabbing paint in large amounts on innocent students, throwing banana peels & wrappers at the fans, ripping each others pockets and blowing flames of fire using deodorants. During a pocket ripping exercise, one guy ripped another guy's pant pocket so hard, his entire pant tore off! With great difficulty, we got him to the clothes shop to get a new pant. Once, the teacher asked me to take a class on mathematical reasoning. I used this opportunity to showcase my public speaking and teaching skills and got an applause at the end for it. However, my methods of controlling the class and getting some guys to answer specific questions (which they couldn't) made the bad gang unhappy. So at the end of the class, after the teacher had left, they came to shake hands with me. Then they took out a flame igniter and a deodorant and tried to put it directly in my face. My reflexes were fast so I dodged it and ran out. The next teacher came in, so I was saved. In any case, the point is that everyone was going mad trying to study so much, as the size of the 11th syllabus was 400% more than our 10th. Even a good student can degrade in the company of bad guys, and I was going down that path. My results were evidence for the degradation. When my ship finally steadied, I decided in being careful about deciding who my real friends were.
It was getting tougher to concentrate, to be optimistic, to be determined, to be happy, and easier to be depressed, unhappy, frustrated, tired,lazy. Even I started losing interest in what was being taught in class. I didn't like to sit in class anymore, and ran out of the class whenever I got the opportunity. At home, I felt so sleepy or only wanted to watch movies. Just getting up everyday to go to class was an enormous achievement. I felt guilty for not studying, but trying to balance school and JEE studies was getting to me. I wasn't being able to score very well in any of them and pressure was building from all sides: school, institute and home. I was being given everything I needed, yet I was unable to get an amazing result. I managed a 88% in the first term and 84% in the second at school: much better than others but horrible overall. At coaching, I was at 40% on average at the end, but in one test I sunk to as low as 22%. The variance was unsettling. My parents started telling me that I had to put in more effort, yet I couldn't do so. I started complaining about things like low light in the mornings, cold days and small illnesses. I started making excuses to get out of tight corners. My teachers and parents couldn't explain what was happening, they all just hoped for things to become better. The ill feelings of my classmates was permeating through me and was dimming out the day. The weather became cold and the sun refused to come out. I was waiting for the sun to come out, but I didn't know it was gonna take so long. I continued my struggle, because I knew I couldn't rest if I wanted to get into IIT. IIT was becoming the subject of discussion wherever I went, and whether I liked it or not, I had to answer questions.
I had to overly depend on coaching institute materials and teachers for help, both for the JEE and CBSE. Not all teachers were good at school, so studying CBSE was a problem. Plus the teachers for 11th and 12th were the same, and they concentrated more on 12th syllabus. So trying to practically understand what was going on in a subject wasn't possible. Teachers didn't pay much attention to us in 11th because 11th was like an internal thing, no one cared for the marks, unless they were applying for foreign universities. That also could be changed with a little persuasion from the concerned students. Frankly speaking, school wasn't even necessary in 11th and 12th, except for particular subjects like maths, because some teachers didn't even know the subject they taught. There are bad teachers in every school, because there is a dearth of teachers. Good teachers run away to caching institutes for higher pay. Hence schools are forced to pick bad teachers to avoid stressed up and jam packed timetables for existing teachers. Same was the problem for us. We were being forced to eat fodder by such bad teachers. They didn't know anything themselves. They never knew their own subject, yet they demanded the respect of teachers. They were good counsellors for mental relaxation, but they didn't know how to teach. In one particular subject, the teacher never bothered to read her subject. She came to class and tried to teach and used to forget half the things she had to teach, because she didn't know her subject at all. The funniest part is, she expected me to save her! Whenever she couldn't give an answer to a question, she waited for me think about the solution and as soon as I got it, she would expect me to tell the answer and would simply say "And that's what I was trying to say......" . I was expected to find the solution to all tough problems and questions. Then she'd make me do it on the board, or just read off my notes. Once, she came totally unprepared for the class and she didn't know what to do. So she decide to blast us for getting some pathetic marks in the last test, that too for 1 hour!!!! One specific time, she gave us a worksheet that was prepared by HER COLLEAGUE. A group of girls had a doubt in the worksheet and approached for help. She didn't know how to solve it!!!!. She got lucky, because I happened to be standing there, chatting to some guys. She asked me to solve it, and it took me less than 10 seconds to figure out what the solution was. After that episode, any doubt the girls had, they always came to me. The entire class considered me to be the de-facto teacher for that subject, and any doubt was asked to me first. No one asked doubts in class, except me, and that was only because I wanted to see the answer she had to give on this concept (I already knew the answer to my doubts!!!!). I enjoyed this respect, both from the teacher and the class. In return, the teacher marked me leniently in tests and tried to defend my actions or marks if they ever went bad. It was a symbiotic relation with such teachers and I still miss those funny moments in class, when no one could resist laughing but everybody was forced to shut up.
So I used my coaching institute knowledge as a cripple for both the JEE and CBSE. That was a major disadvantage when it came to writing subjective answers in the CBSE papers. Writing a proper answer is considered a completely different thing from knowing the final answer, which meant that separate preparation was required for the JEE and CBSE. That was not good news, and the result reflected from both sides of the table. It was definitely not enough for both. I liked coaching a lot. I found answers to very thought provoking questions from there. It allowed me to explore and understand a lot of ideas and concepts that were out of the box. Going to coaching gave me a meaning to life in that year. That's why I ran home from school, quickly had lunch, and raced off to the coaching center, which was 7 KM away from home. All this was done at an hour's notice. We had coaching everyday from 5:30 to 8:30, but I used to be outside the house for coaching for almost 5 hours a day, excluding the 7 hours at school. I still can't believe that I once had the energy to go through all that!!! This won't be a great thing for all the high rankers, but 20 or maybe 30 years later when you look at what you did to beat the competitive exams, you will feel amazed and proud by your dedication and hard work. Of course, we had monthly tests, and these decided the hierarchy in the classroom. The high rankers were treated like demigods, and sitting with a high ranker was a great thing, for it meant you were nearly as good as them. Talking to such guys gave you importance and influence in dealings with other people. The topper in my batch, who managed to ace the JEE, was always crowded with guys trying to be like him, me being one of them. The greatness in the guy was that he didn't care one bit about attention, nor did he ignore anyone's request to solve a problem. He tried to explain as much as possible and tried to clear everyone's doubts. Regardless of how good you are, never forget your humility.
One thing that distracted me a lot from my studies was competitions. I had read Robin Sharma's 'The monk who sold his Ferrari' and had tried to chalk out a plan, list of goals and a timetable of what and when I achieve my goals. I suggest you do it too. I did the same things for competitions. I chalked out a list of things I wanted to achieve. I also decided to prepare hard for each competition and not lose out in any place. I was after success and I wasn't going to leave it this time. The results were astonishing. I was able to win in different arenas (for all-rounders, I would suggest you focus on just 2 or 3 areas of interests and roll full steam, leave other fields as results can't be guaranteed in those) including debating, public speaking, science fairs, acting/drama etc. I was finally winning cash prizes and cups for my efforts and I liked it, although I wasn't winning as much as I wanted to. I would have gone on, but going for many competitions was putting a strain on my studies. I couldn't handle everything. My mom said that I was wasting valuable time that could be used for studies on something that was not of much importance now (I actually disagree completely now!!). I didn't dare say anything to my parents, for they had sacrificed things for me to get what I was getting. I respected their sacrifices, that's why I didn't say much. Participating in what I could was a big thing, and that much support from their side was a big thing for me. In any case, I continued those activities in college, as my parents felt I wouldn't get a chance again. One thing I realized was that the ability to turn situations around depends on us. How I perceived a task decided how I prepared for it which in turn decided how well I did it. We define our own destinies and our choices make us who we are. That was Robin Sharma's biggest message to me, and I will always be indebted to him for his words.
At the end of 11th, I came to a different conclusion. 11th can be a problem for anybody, me included. How you hold yourself together in the face of increasing pressure decides how good 11th can be. I realized that what is seen at face value shouldn't always be accepted as the real value. Don't judge a book by its cover. Assuming that I could handle school, coaching along with competitions was a mistake. I should have realized that priorities had to be made, otherwise success couldn't be achieved at any level. Your mental setup matters a lot in competitive exams and no matter how much your preparation is, your setup will finally determine the day for you. Another thing which is very important to note is that worrying about how your schoolmates or society views you will finally kill you, because the world likes to find tiny little imperfections and blow them up to full proportions. Don't give a damn about the world, else you shall end up spending your whole life living a life you shouldn't have lived. Don't dance to the whims of society, dance to the whims of your heart!!
JEE was now one year away from now, and I didn't know where I was placed. 12th was to start early to accomodate the preboards and revision time. All I knew was that I had to put in more efforts into both CBSE and JEE preparation. I couldn't lose it, I had to do something big. I decided to triple my efforts for next year and increase my percentage at coaching and school. I decided to forget about all stereotypes and schoolmates and simply concentrate on what I had done best till this year: academics. But what really happened in 12th was one hell of a roller coaster ride. Never have I experienced such a variation in my surroundings, my moods, my goals and probably everything in my immediate world. Never has there been a more topsy turvy story I have ever seen. 12th was probably a very big adventure for me, and the multitude of events that happened were so fast, that I still can't understand how I survived it. It nearly broke me, yet it brought me back to the skies. My 12th standard is the craziest year out of all the years I have spent, and recounting it reminds of the most invaluable lessons I have learned in life. To read what happened, stay tuned for the next part of the engineer's life, the final part and most crucial part in this series..............
The first few drops in the ocean --- Part IV
Never give up on what you want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than those who have only facts.
- Albert Einstein
