The first few drops in the ocean --- Part III

Thank you for coming back to read another year in my life. By now, you would have figured out my thought process and methodology of doing things. I knew I had to achieve something, something big, something that people couldn't imagine was possible. I knew I was meant for something big, but I didn't know what. I wanted to be successful on all scales, something like an all-rounder. I was looking at fame and success in this year. You'll get to know what I actually achieved. I guess all-rounders are amazing at all the fields they touch, and the popularity they had, was what I was actually after. I was still worried about how society saw me, and I didn't want to look bad in front of them. So, I tried to use all opportunities I got to get famous and successful, and shed the stereotype that was prevalent about me, both outside and inside my social circles. I had, in the words of Warren Buffett, an 'Outer Scorecard'. Lets get back to where I left off last time, and lets take a peak into my 3rd year, my 11th standard, a year turned out to be completely unpredictable, and..........

Year III: 11th standard (2011-12)
This is for all 11th graders and below to read (actually a mustread!!). If you don't qualify, then you can still read and you could probably enjoy comparing your 11th grade experiences with mine!! If this is the first post that you're reading on my blog, I suggested that you read my previous posts to decide on whether you would want to continue reading future posts.

This year, I thought, was gonna be my year. Infact, I was under the impression that both 11th and 12th were gonna be the dragon years of my life. Dragon, because I thought that I was gonna become popular and successful and people were gonna take notice of me. I had armed myself with some good talent and skills, and anyways had a trump card,my academics. It was common understanding, that these 2 years were gonna be mostly about studies, with the JEE being just 2 years away. So, the harder you studied, the better your marks, and more your popularity. It sounded amazing to be called a topper, and everyone looking up to you like a celebrity. People would try to be close to you, help you in all possible ways, all in  exchange for your help in studies at any hour of the day. It sounded like fun for me, and I knew this was a ticket to the elite class - a group of people who were popular and successful all-rounders or amazingly good at their field. I wanted to be there and I knew what I had to do.

11th, I thought, wouldn't have any problems, atleast for a guy like me. The good thing was there would be no problem about classes. I would be in the Computer science section, which means a load of good guys would be there. Well, atleast they would be nice guys. There would be no worries of getting bullied, and there were very few students in each class (there were only 24 in my class).And the class would be together for 2 years. That meant I would make better friends with better guys. Well, only some become your true friends, others are just classmates you get to know very well. I will explain that sentence sometime later. In any case, they were gonna be good classmates, with whom its easier to share worries, discuss ideas and even celebrate. 11th, I thought, was gonna be kickass.

The first 4 months, were actually very good for me. I actually loved going to school everyday and meeting these guys. I was pretty surprised by this fact. I was making friends with people who had known me for me a long time, but of whom I had never even heard of. It was nice to get this attention, and be given priority over others. A general hierarchy was forming even before I knew it was, and I was on the top rung. This is what I loved and wanted so much. And with each day, it only got better. I started chatting about lots of things, and I was able to get the attention of everyone in and even some outside class. I could attract a small circle of people whenever I talked about something, anything. 

In those months, studies went on an upbeat. I was acing every test and was virtually unbeatable. I was much better than the guys in my class, and they were no competition at all. Even in comparison to other classes, I was like a virtual topper. People I met in the corridors of the senior block, started calling me a 'topper'. I liked that a lot, and could never stop blushing, whenever they said that. Of course, the title got irritating very soon, but atleast they acknowledged me for my dedication and hard work. At my coaching institute, I wasn't a topper, though I should have been, considering my entrance test rank. Nevertheless, my performance was pretty decent over there. In my first 3 tests, I was able to get 45% plus and a rank in the top 100. I was considered a better student, with better chances of getting into IIT. Most people were finding it tough to get marks at all in the tests. In any case, things change with one clap of the hands, so never think you can sustain your performance without continuous effort. I'll come to that later. 

My schoolmates and teachers got continuous input about who was doing well and who didn't stand a chance, in the coaching institutes. They now realized that I could be IIT material, and started giving more liberty and freedom in school, besides being partial to me on many occasions. They started including me in whatever they did. One example was football. They started including me in their games and made me the captain on several occasions. I was getting better at goalkeeping, but neither was I amazing. But to the best footballers in our class, giving more importance, was like associating themselves as good friends of mine. These guys were seen as having more precedence when it came to asking for help. They started asking bigger favours, which were going out of hand. Another example was food. If I helped someone with homework or taught something to someone, then I was entitled to have a good share of the food they brought to school. So if my lunchbox wasn't exciting, then I could go to any of my 'friends' and take some of their lunch. I didn't have to suffer the bruises that came when everyone fought over some guy's paneer or channa masala or chicken. Those times were fun and my memory of people chasing the birthday boy to give him resounding birthday bumps is still very much alive in my mind.

Teachers now had a bigger goal that they wanted to achieve........it wasn't about getting more CBSE toppers..........it was about getting more guys into IIT. This sort of achievement would further swell the popularity and the pride of the school, besides allowing the management to increase fees exponentially. It was like a domino effect.........more IITians from our school, more people would want to put their children in our school, and more would be the fees collected. With continuous working up, there would be more IITians, and the cycle would continue. Also, the school was pretty pumped up about the results for the last 2 years, as we had sent a couple of guys to the IITs and foreign universities like NUS, NTU, Purdue, GeorgiaTech etc. They wanted to maintain the same impression with our batch, so they tried their level best to keep us going. They had integrated coaching for the JEE, with another institute's teachers coming and teaching the JEE syllabus. Just going off the record, going for integrated coaching in your school is a bad idea. 

• Because studying with your friends means you know their capabilties, and if your the best guy in the class, then you'll realize that there is no competition. Automatically, the efforts you put in will also come down and there will be a subsequent degradation in your scores.
• When you know that many guys in your class are your friends, the mood of seriousness is lost. People start chatting and walking around the class at random times, and there is no competitive spirit that can be a real driving factor for IIT aspirants. 
• The teacher loses precious time and energy trying to keep the class quiet and to grab their attention again is a mindboggling task. So lesser is learnt, and slowly, the students, and many times teachers themselves, start bunking classes.

These factors are enough to kill your dreams and aspirations. Even a distance learning program is not preferred. DLPs should be taken only if your preparation is done (you have completed your coaching institute modules and are looking for more material to read). That usually never happens unless your top 1500 ranker material. Even in those cases, it is not a good idea to read more material. Instead you should be solving problems in time. Take All India Test Series (AITS) for such practice. There are several books from which self tests can be taken (I will talk about them in future posts). Usually a coaching institute's practice problems are plentiful in number, and there are reference books in the library which will be really useful for the final 6 months. Anyways, I still prefer a classroom program, probably at the institute's center itself, which is what I did. The more distance you travel, the more the determination to achieve and greater is the drive to succeed. That's my opinion and it may vary from person to person. I seemed to be headed for the engineer's Valhala, and my teachers didn't want me to lose track. So they tried to help me in any way possible and thank all my teachers for believing in me during those 2 years. They included me in any interhouse competition that was going on, and even made me an environmental secretary for the school (this was the second successive year I had been included in the school council). My 'friends' liked to tag along with me, just so that they might pick up some big things or some excellent logic from me, which is a very bullshit notion. Don't think you are lesser than anyone, especially if that someone happens to top in some practice tests. The real JEE can make institute ranks look like chicken fodder, and I realized that I beat a lot of guys, who used to consistently beat me in the institute practice tests, by a huge margin in the real exams.

After those months, things took a sudden U-turn. I realized that my 'friends', barring a few nice guys, just were temporary guys. They liked to tag along, and while you're successful, they like to be seen in your company. When you go down, everyone behaves as though they have never heard your name. I had a downturn in fortunes in my school and institute studies. The reason was that I started taking the results to my head. I thought I just needed to study for a couple of hours before the test for a good rank in the practice tests. So I studied lesser and lowered my level of preparation. The results were obvious, still I continued going down the slope. My 'friends' turned their backs on me, all of a sudden. They stopped listening to me, or helping me in small ways. If I was going through bad phases, they didn't want to associate themselves with me. The food and football stopped, and they suddenly started the stereotyping. Things started going from bad to worse. The quality of the class degraded very badly. 3 guys tried to run away from home and 2 got into smoking, drinking and drugs. People started playing games and watching bad videos on their mobiles or iPads while classes went on. Teachers were unable to control us, because we were placed in a completely different corner of the school. Class performance was at an all time low, and teachers were complaining. There were incidents which I was shocked to see happen right in front of me. Once, a couple of guys took another guy's lunchbox and kept it on a street. They got a rabid dog to spit into the box. They then took the box and kept it in the front most desk of the classroom. They threw the chalks and duster into the box and closed the lid of the desk. When the teacher entered the class next day, she couldn't find the duster and asked for it. Some guy said it may be in the front desk. The level of disgust I felt when she picked up the duster and wiped off the food and spit was too much to bear and I banged a desk like mad to control my anger. Another time, we were in the lab and doing a physics experiment. When the teacher wasn't looking, those same guys mixed copper sulphate in the teacher's tea. Later they got so scared, that they forced everyone to sign an agreement saying that if anything were to happen to the teacher, no one would play the blame game. I never signed it. Luckily, nothing has happened to the teacher, and ever since, the copper sulphate bottle has been labelled 'blue jelly'!!! Other incidents involved insulting teachers in private circles, dabbing paint in large amounts on innocent students, throwing banana peels & wrappers at the fans, ripping each others pockets and blowing flames of fire using deodorants. During a pocket ripping exercise, one guy ripped another guy's pant pocket so hard, his entire pant tore off! With great difficulty, we got him to the clothes shop to get a new pant. Once, the teacher asked me to take a class on mathematical reasoning. I used this opportunity to showcase my public speaking and teaching skills and got an applause at the end for it. However, my methods of controlling the class and getting some guys to answer specific questions (which they couldn't) made the bad gang unhappy. So at the end of the class, after the teacher had left, they came to shake hands with me. Then they took out a flame igniter and a deodorant and tried to put it directly in my face. My reflexes were fast so I dodged it and ran out. The next teacher came in, so I was saved. In any case, the point is that everyone was going mad trying to study so much, as the size of the 11th syllabus was 400% more than our 10th. Even a good student can degrade in the company of bad guys, and I was going down that path. My results were evidence for the degradation. When my ship finally steadied, I decided in being careful about deciding who my real friends were.

It was getting tougher to concentrate, to be optimistic, to be determined, to be happy, and easier to be depressed, unhappy, frustrated, tired,lazy. Even I started losing interest in what was being taught in class. I didn't like to sit in class anymore, and ran out of the class whenever I got the opportunity. At home, I felt so sleepy or only wanted to watch movies. Just getting up everyday to go to class was an enormous achievement. I felt guilty for not studying, but trying to balance school and JEE studies was getting to me. I wasn't being able to score very well in any of them and pressure was building from all sides: school, institute and home. I was being given everything I needed, yet I was unable to get an amazing result. I managed a 88% in the first term and 84% in the second at school: much better than others but horrible overall. At coaching, I was at 40% on average at the end, but in one test I sunk to as low as 22%. The variance was unsettling. My parents started telling me that I had to put in more effort, yet I couldn't do so. I started complaining about things like low light in the mornings, cold days and small illnesses. I started making excuses to get out of tight corners. My teachers and parents couldn't explain what was happening, they all just hoped for things to become better. The ill feelings of my classmates was permeating through me and was dimming out the day. The weather became cold and the sun refused to come out. I was waiting for the sun to come out, but I didn't know it was gonna take so long. I continued my struggle, because I knew I couldn't rest if I wanted to get into IIT. IIT was becoming the subject of discussion wherever I went, and whether I liked it or not, I had to answer questions.

I had to overly depend on coaching institute materials and teachers for help, both for the JEE and CBSE. Not all teachers were good at school, so studying CBSE was a problem. Plus the teachers for 11th and 12th were the same, and they concentrated more on 12th syllabus. So trying to practically understand what was going on in a subject wasn't possible. Teachers didn't pay much attention to us in 11th because 11th was like an internal thing, no one cared for the marks, unless they were applying for foreign universities. That also could be changed with a little persuasion from the concerned students. Frankly speaking, school wasn't even necessary in 11th and 12th, except for particular subjects like maths, because some teachers didn't even know the subject they taught. There are bad teachers in every school, because there is a dearth of teachers. Good teachers run away to caching institutes for higher pay. Hence schools are forced to pick bad teachers to avoid stressed up and jam packed timetables for existing teachers. Same was the problem for us. We were being forced to eat fodder by such bad teachers. They didn't know anything themselves. They never knew their own subject, yet they demanded the respect of teachers. They were good counsellors for mental relaxation, but they didn't know how to teach. In one particular subject, the teacher never bothered to read her subject. She came to class and tried to teach and used to forget half the things she had to teach, because she didn't know her subject at all. The funniest part is, she expected me to save her! Whenever she couldn't give an answer to a question, she waited for me think about the solution and as soon as I got it, she would expect me to tell the answer and would simply say "And that's what I was trying to say......" . I was expected to find the solution to all tough problems and questions. Then she'd make me do it on the board, or just read off my notes. Once, she came totally unprepared for the class and she didn't know what to do. So she decide to blast us for getting some pathetic marks in the last test, that too for 1 hour!!!! One specific time, she gave us a worksheet that was prepared by HER COLLEAGUE. A group of girls had a doubt in the worksheet and approached for help. She didn't know how to solve it!!!!. She got lucky, because I happened to be standing there, chatting to some guys. She asked me to solve it, and it took me less than 10 seconds to figure out what the solution was. After that episode, any doubt the girls had, they always came to me. The entire class considered me to be the de-facto teacher for that subject, and any doubt was asked to me first. No one asked doubts in class, except me, and that was only because I wanted to see the answer she had to give on this concept (I already knew the answer to my doubts!!!!). I enjoyed this respect, both from the teacher and the class. In return, the teacher marked me leniently in tests and tried to defend my actions or marks if they ever went bad. It was a symbiotic relation with such teachers and I still miss those funny moments in class, when no one could resist laughing but everybody was forced to shut up. 

So I used my coaching institute knowledge as a cripple for both the JEE and CBSE. That was a major disadvantage when it came to writing subjective answers in the CBSE papers. Writing a proper answer is considered a completely different thing from knowing the final answer, which meant that separate preparation was required for the JEE and CBSE. That was not good news, and the result reflected from both sides of the table. It was definitely not enough for both. I liked coaching a lot. I found answers to very thought provoking questions from there. It allowed me to explore and understand a lot of ideas and concepts that were out of the box. Going to coaching gave me a meaning to life in that year. That's why I ran home from school, quickly had lunch, and raced off to the coaching center, which was 7 KM away from home. All this was done at an hour's notice. We had coaching everyday from 5:30 to 8:30, but I used to be outside the house for coaching for almost 5 hours a day, excluding the 7 hours at school. I still can't believe that I once had the energy to go through all that!!! This won't be a great thing for all the high rankers, but 20 or maybe 30 years later when you look at what you did to beat the competitive exams, you will feel amazed and proud by your dedication and hard work. Of course, we had monthly tests, and these decided the hierarchy in the classroom. The high rankers were treated like demigods, and sitting with a high ranker was a great thing, for it meant you were nearly as good as them. Talking to such guys gave you importance and influence in dealings with other people. The topper in my batch, who managed to ace the JEE, was always crowded with guys trying to be like him, me being one of them. The greatness in the guy was that he didn't care one bit about attention, nor did he ignore anyone's request to solve a problem. He tried to explain as much as possible and tried to clear everyone's doubts. Regardless of how good you are, never forget your humility.

One thing that distracted me a lot from my studies was competitions. I had read Robin Sharma's 'The monk who sold his Ferrari' and had tried to chalk out a plan, list of goals and a timetable of what and when I achieve my goals. I suggest you do it too. I did the same things for competitions. I chalked out a list of things I wanted to achieve. I also decided to prepare hard for each competition and not lose out in any place. I was after success and I wasn't going to leave it this time. The results were astonishing. I was able to win in different arenas (for all-rounders, I would suggest you focus on just 2 or 3 areas of interests and roll full steam, leave other fields as results can't be guaranteed in those) including debating, public speaking, science fairs, acting/drama etc. I was finally winning cash prizes and cups for my efforts and I liked it, although I wasn't winning as much as I wanted to. I would have gone on, but going for many competitions was putting a strain on my studies. I couldn't handle everything. My mom said that I was wasting valuable time that could be used for studies on something that was not of much importance now (I actually disagree completely now!!). I didn't dare say anything to my parents, for they had sacrificed things for me to get what I was getting. I respected their sacrifices, that's why I didn't say much. Participating in what I could was a big thing, and that much support from their side was a big thing for me. In any case, I continued those activities in college, as my parents felt I wouldn't get a chance again. One thing I realized was that the ability to turn situations around depends on us. How I perceived a task decided how I prepared for it which in turn decided how well I did it. We define our own destinies and our choices make us who we are. That was Robin Sharma's biggest message to me, and I will always be indebted to him for his words. 

At the end of 11th, I came to a different conclusion. 11th can be a problem for anybody, me included. How you hold yourself together in the face of increasing pressure decides how good 11th can be. I realized that what is seen at face value shouldn't always be accepted as the real value. Don't judge a book by its cover. Assuming that I could handle school, coaching along with competitions was a mistake. I should have realized that priorities had to be made, otherwise success couldn't be achieved at any level. Your mental setup matters a lot in competitive exams and no matter how much your preparation is, your setup will finally determine the day for you. Another thing which is very important to note is that worrying about how your schoolmates or society views you will finally kill you, because the world likes to find tiny little imperfections and blow them up to full proportions. Don't give a damn about the world, else you shall end up spending your whole life living a life you shouldn't have lived. Don't dance to the whims of society, dance to the whims of your heart!! 

JEE was now one year away from now, and I didn't know where I was placed. 12th was to start early to accomodate the preboards and revision time. All I knew was that I had to put in more efforts into both CBSE and JEE preparation. I couldn't lose it, I had to do something big. I decided to triple my efforts for next year and increase my percentage at coaching and school. I decided to forget about all stereotypes and schoolmates and simply concentrate on what I had done best till this year: academics. But what really happened in 12th was one hell of a roller coaster ride. Never have I experienced such a variation in my surroundings, my moods, my goals and probably everything in my immediate world. Never has there been a more topsy turvy story I have ever seen. 12th was probably a very big adventure for me, and the multitude of events that happened were so fast, that I still can't understand how I survived it. It nearly broke me, yet it brought me back to the skies. My 12th standard is the craziest year out of all the years I have spent, and recounting it reminds of the most invaluable lessons I have learned in life. To read what happened, stay tuned for the next part of the engineer's life, the final part and most crucial part in this series..............

The first few drops in the ocean --- Part IV

Never give up on what you want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than those who have only facts.

- Albert Einstein

The first few drops in the ocean --- Part II

I'm back with a piece of my life, all in exchange for 10 minutes of your time. If you read the last post, thank you for reading it and waiting for this post. Feel free to comment on anything --- beautiful yet pathetic, smart yet rude, thought provoking yet boring --- all comments are entertained. If this is your first time on my blog, I would suggest you read the preceding posts to understand my personality well. The fact is that I can be a really boring guy to listen to, if your thought process is radically different (mostly guys who are all-rounders or who have great grasping power tend to stay away from such posts). But this post is not for them, or atleast is not meant to satisfy their expectations. The people who really are interested in my posts, are usually those who have been just like me, who have struggled their whole lives, and want to taste success in its greatest sizes. They will love to remember the minor details of every success, and in these small things, they greatest of happiness can be experienced and felt. Let's get back to where we left off last time, my 10th standard, the second year of struggle, a year which had many forgettable and unforgettable moments.

Year II: 10th standard (2010-11)
This is for all 10th graders and below to read (actually a mustread!!). If you don't qualify, then you can still read and you could probably enjoy comparing your 10th grade experiences with mine!! If this is the first post that you're reading on my blog, it is suggested that you read my previous posts to decide on whether you would want to continue reading future posts.

It was a year, which was not exactly memorable, but telling the story makes me feel relieved that I ended that year on a happy note. I grew up, mentally and physically, and learned to adapt to my environment and the people around me. I was a complete introvert until I came to 10th. I realized that I had to mind what others thought of me, otherwise it would be difficult to socialize, or possibly even exist. 10th tested me on all levels, and the failures that came along taught me a great deal, some bad things included. Dealing with those was a problem of course, a problem which took 3 years to resolve. In any case, I had other big problems to deal with, and the starting of that academic year presented me with the biggest shock of the year.

Generally, the first day of school goes in allocation of classes to all students in a particular grade. Students never wanted to leave friends made in previous classes, and used to shout in ecstasy if the same happened. I was usually placed in the same class, the 'F' section, filled with lots of guys I had known from 7th, and whom I liked to be with. Thing was, this year it was different. The school management was gearing up for the new curriculum of examination that the government had just instated: CCE. No one knew what the system was going to be like because ours was the first batch. We were usually the first batch to suffer from any changes made in the educational system, so we were nicknamed 'the guinea pigs'. In any case, there was something about gradepoints and extracurriculars in the new system, and the management wanted any student who didn't study well or wasn't good at extras, to be made good. HOW??? By forcibly shifting them into a mainstream of students, who had what I didn't have. In reverse, my good academics would somehow boost the overall performance of the class I went to. What they decided was that the 'E' section lacked academics and was notorious for their pranks played (one involved playing with coke bottles inside the classroom and breaking the door and fans). So, thinking of me as a 'stabilizer', they pushed me into the worst section of that academic year, and probably in my student career. 

I wouldn't have minded it so much, if the 3 biggest bullies weren't sitting in my class. One guy was very special and I still remember his bullying till this date. One of the worst things about being in the same class as him, was that, whatever he did, nobody, neither a student nor teacher would dare to punish or even shout at him. REASON: He happened to be the eldest son of one of the trustees on the board of management. The trustee's father was the owner of the school and a Rajya Sabha member. No one dared to annoy them. These several factors were more than enough to demoralize me, and I decided to wait out this entire year. Unfortunately, he found me and never left a single instance to try and humiliate me. Any time the teacher favoured me or appreciated what I did, he tried to counteract what I was doing and insulted me in front of the class. Once he saw me praying just before a test. He started arguing with the teacher, as to why I should display my religious feelings about god and why the teacher never stopped me from doing so. He tried to throw things at me, hurt me by any means possible and steal my stuff. I guess the help of the teachers in such situations was a God blessing, and I take this opportunity to thank all my friends and teachers who helped me recover from these traumatic episodes.

A good part of my time was spent trying to learn football. I had become interested in the game and wanted to learn to play it. Sadly, I happened to be in a class filled with footballers, who had so much more experience and were on the school team. Naturally, any game played involved only such guys, and people like me were left out to warm the benches. I was a complete introvert and didn't know how to fight for something, even if I deserved it, unless it was handed over to me, leave alone fighting for something that I didn't deserve. So I resigned myself to thinking that I was never going to be able to play. However, one day, many guys didn't come to school, and we had a games period. It was rare for us to get such a period, as the notoriety level of the class meant that we got punished for almost all periods. So we tried to make maximum use of the time. One of the teams needed a goalkeeper. There was no one else left, so the captain reluctantly chose me. I did a decent job, I guess, for the saves weren't easy for a guy with 0 experience. I guess I was crossing the line. The next time, the ball went over the goalpost. I had to retrieve the ball to kick it back inside. I was in a hurry, so as to not disappoint anyone. I ran and tried to jump across the ledge separating the field from the neighbouring school. In my attempt, I slipped and hit my head against an open drain, which left a huge gash on my head. I was bleeding profusely, so the good guys in the class picked me up and took me to the infirmary, where the nurse said that I had to be taken to a hospital for immediate surgery. My mom was called to Apolo and by the end of the night, had to write a cheque worth rs 20,000 to have that gash in my head stitched up. It was pretty deep and required hundreds of stitches to hold it in place. The only good result of that fall was the scar. When the surgery was going on, the doctor asked me if I was a Harry Potter fan. I told him that I was the biggest one alive. So he did a technique of suturing, known commonly as z-plasty, which resulted in me getting a Harry Potter like scar. People started taking notice of me, atleast the scar. With the huge bandaid on my head for 3 weeks, I looked like a war hero coming back from Vietnam. I still recounting the story to anyone who asks, and it increased my importance in school for some time.

Competitions were to be shunned, as my mom said that 10th was an important class and I couldn't afford to mess up my grades, however lenient the system. So I followed the path set out by my mom, and did was in my mom's interests, for my mom usually was right. I went for a single quiz that year, and failed again, thus increasing the importance of time spent for studying. I participated in a school debate, and lost miserably. However, that thought me a lot about public speaking, about how to organize myself in public and how to defend a wrong or meaningless statement. I was also selected for an international exchange program with a school in germany, but my mom said that I shouldn't waste time on such unnecessary "exhibitions". Any other competition I went for was a failure, and this demoralized me. It only told me to stop wasting time on competitions. One thing that I did do that I liked a lot, was to lend my voice as the principal narrator for the school's play in that year's annual day. It was an exciting experience, working in a studio, and it really gave me happiness listening to my own voice on tape at the annual day.

Since this year was dedicated to studies, I decided to work on 2 things: my studies at school and those for the JEE. Valhala was still 3 years away, and I didn't want to lose steam. So I joined a new coaching center (the old one didn't offer anything for 10th standard) which had a classroom dedicated for the JEE training program. Actually, no one was interested in taking the 10th coaching, so I got in easily. There were only 10 guys in the class, of which only 2 (me included!) were regular. I was fully devoted to this coaching, because I had a lot of spare time, and I was determined to win the respect of my classmates. I remember standing in the overcrowded buses to reach class on time and come back home. The determination to win was so much that I was willing to face the cold weather, the hot afternoons and even the heavy showers to ensure I didn't miss a class. Everyone, my school and coaching center classmates, thought that I was good at academics, and told me to diversify, to do interesting things. I refused to listen to such random advice, and many times, regret my decisions. However, in the arena of competitive exams like olympiads, I was an ace. I secured a couple of medals in national and international level olympiads. These stats gave me and my parents the belief that I could get into the final abode of India's most esteemed engineers: IIT.

Two horrible habits that I got into in the 10th were solely due to the bad company that I had in that class. I will always consider them to be the sole culprits for the fall in my level of discipline. The first most disastrous thing that occurred was that I started lying. To almost everyone, my teachers, my friends, in rare cases my relatives. Of course, with really good and near ones, I lied only to hide the atrocities that I was facing everyday at school. Still a lie is a lie, and everytime since, I have tried to crush my temptation to lie. The second bad thing to happen to me was Youtube. I learned that Youtube was home to videos of all types. You just searched a bit and you'd get videos that can make any teenager boy go crazy. So I went full into watching such shit. At the end of such sessions, my head would ache and I would become a lesser human, more savage with each night. I was unsuccessful in stopping this while in the 10th. However, in the 11th, I reasoned out things with myself. I had prayer sessions with God, in which I understood that my goal was something completely different, of a higher order, of such great importance that I had to achieve those greater goals for the betterment of mankind. The shit that today's media has done to us, had to be undone, for it was distracting us from our real goals in life. It was killing souls and ambitions. I didn't want to be a victim, so I moved on fast and started thinking more about a famous phrase: Simple living, High thinking.

By the end of the midterm, I went to see my dad in the gulf. I had lived abroad for so long, that I couldn't forget about the comforts and friends given there. So I really liked to be back there. Earlier that year, my family had shifted into our own, permanent house, which was a relief, as the old house was getting too bad to live in. The change to a more open, sun-filled apartment, brought a lot my positivity and inspiration, and gave me the courage to take all the negativity surrounding me at school. You all should try this: every morning, get up at around 5AM, and just breathe in and out properly for 10 minutes. Go outside into your balcony at 7AM and feel the warm rays of the sun fall on you. It gives you a surge that is so powerful and energizing. This contradicts with the fact that I used to sleep at 4AM, but that is a mistake that I used to do, which is not at all recommended. Get some sunshine, it can really make your day.

One amazing thing about this year was that at the end of the year, the entire class and teachers acknowledged my brilliance and perfectionism. They signed off on a good note, with a meeting at a nearby mall to conclude the year. The graduation day of class 10 wasn't spectacular, but was worth remembering. I slowly started growing out of my shell and people acknowledged my efforts. Most importantly, the year ended on a high. In january, there were admission tests to major coaching institutes for the 2 most crucial years of our lives, the 2 years to be used for preparation for the IITJEE. I didn't prepare for any test. I felt that my 10th standard knowledge was enough to get me in. I wrote all tests. In one test, 5 minutes before the test, I got worried as to why I was not feeling serious or nervous about the test. Nevertheless, I sat for the 3 hours, and completed the paper. I didn't know what to tell my parents, but my mom knew that I was getting in. I didn't know for sure. The day the results came out, I was very tense. Then an sms came saying that I had been selected to join that institute. I was very happy of course, although I was in 2 minds. Another institute was also offering a 15K scholarship, which sounded more attractive than paying 70K a year. In any case, I told my mom and she wasn't surprised nor happy with the result. But in the evening, a counsellor from the first institute called us and congratulated me, for I had stood 4th in the entrance test!!! Moreover, it was a 50% scholarship and I was 4th out of 500 odd people. The scholarship didn't matter, what mattered was the rank. The amount of excitement in the house reached a new high, and mom proudly told all her friends about my achievement. Everyone thought I was already in IIT!!!!

Another great thing to happy was the board exams. I managed to ace the exams, with rigourous effort (now thinking, I didn't need to work so much) and determination. I worked to produce spic and span assignments and earned a top grade in every subject. I scored a 10 CGPA and got certificates from Sahodaya and CBSE. I was proud of my result and happy that I had clinched a good institute. I applied to enter school again for 11th and 12th, and I clearly knew my goals. To celebrate my success, we decided to go to Malaysia and Singapore, to visit my cousin and also get myself a well deserved vacation. It was a good thing to take a vacation as it really relaxed my mind and allowed me to sit with full concentration for the next 2 years. 

For guys looking at what should be done during 10th and 9th, I'd say that you should get extracurricular talents during these 2 years. Getting a 10 in CBSE is really a 1 month job, and doesn't require as much effort as I put in. Get into competitions and start winning, so that applying to international universities next year will be easier.  If you get a scholarship abroad, it is better to take it, than go for an Indian institute. But for those who are trying to beat the crowd and get into the IITs, NITs, BITS etc., I will tell you this. Starting IIT preparation so early is recommended only if you want to win olympiad medals or attempt the JEE early or if you want to study above the syllabus (I don't know when you're reading this, but in my time CBSE had next to nothing in the syllabus). It is better to start preparation in 11th. Don't lose your life's precious years trying to crack these competitive exams. Doing any preparation before 11th is just going to take away important years from your life. Don't think that going to a coaching institute will boost your CBSE scores, that's a random falsity that has been passed down for so long. Concentrate on what you really love and start following it young. Enjoy life (not leaving yourself lazy) and focus on computer skills, electronics, mechanics, videogaming (playing and creating), dancing, singing, acting, writing international papers, going for MUNs etc. In the professional world, no one gives a damn about your  results in the JEE, AIEEE, BITSAT or any other competitive exam you may write. Nowadays, they don't care about college CGPAs. All they care about is whether you have the ideas and practical understanding to do the job. Nothing less, nothing more. The higher you want to reach in the corporate world, the faster you should start working on the things that you're passionate about. The biggest regret that I have is that I didn't start working earlier on my passion and interests. Don't have the same regret. 

My next post will be on my 11th standard, a very traumatic yet exciting year. In this year, I opened up completely and learnt a lot about society's expectations from me. I made very big decisions, and those decisions moulded my future and changed my success rates in different fields on different levels. You will come face to face with some of my problems sooner or later while preparing for competitive exams yourself. The next 2 years gave me many lessons which I still remember and try to use effectively in my daily life. They are crucial for all people trying to get into any Indian institute. And I will be taking you through a full view of my challenges. Give me 10 minutes of your time and wait for my next post.......... 
The first few drops in the ocean --- Part III

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man's determination.
Tommy Lasorda 

The first few drops in the ocean --- Part I

Today I write about how I went through my 4 years of school life prior to the all important indian competitive exams. They are amongst the most important years in the life of an Indian child. Don't hope for names of books and authors to refer to, because it makes no sense buying a book (which some random people say is good) without having actually referred to it yourself. Instead, read and learn from my mistakes.

Year 1:9th standard (2009-10) 
This is for all 9th graders and below to read (actually a mustread!!). If you don't qualify, then you can still read and you could probably enjoy comparing your 9th grade experiences with mine!!

Everyone called this the beginning of high school. You become a senior and with that status, you get some exorbitant privileges while in school. What's more important is that everyone who wanted to be an engineer was going to start studying hard to get into that dream place, the Valhala of all wannabe Indian engineers......the IITs. The Indian Institutes of Technology were the most prized institutes in India during my time and much before my time. I have no clue when you might be reading this post, so I can't say what happened . So everyone had set their sights on these places. The race to get in is similar to a wildebeest stampede......many would finally fail, but the few who succeeded in reaching the waterhole , were blessed with the most fulfilling gifts of life for an Indian........ultimate respect and prestige in society, a superb salary and a chance to go abroad. So with many aspirations and burdens on our small, immature shoulders, we tried to scale the society's equivalent of Mt. Everest. 

I was damn sure that I was gonna work hard for my seat. I had harbored a dream.......to become an aerospace research scientist and later an aerospace tycoon. I thought getting into IIT would bring me one step closer to my dream. So I set about working and studying as hard as possible. What pushed me further was that I hadn't been able to clear NTSE while in 8th standard, due to family functions and refusal from my parents to join coaching in 8th. So, like a cornered tiger, I tried to fight my way up the small ladder to the "heavens" (now I think of my thoughts as rubbish), which was already overcrowded with other passengers trying to climb up. So I set about achieving my task.

Luckily for me, my school had an integrated course for IIT aspirants. After school, we were tutored and tested by teachers from the coaching classes. I found it exciting and tiring at the same time.......but I was starving for success and I would sacrifice anything for it. I was able to excel in all those tests they gave us during the summer, for we didnt have school then. In any case I thought I was on my way. Sometimes I shuddered at the amount of studying to be done. One of our physics teachers said that IIT aspirants never say the daylight. They would study and sometimes refuse to eat food. This scared me to the extent that I asked my mom that night, "Mom, if I don't get into IIT, what will I do with my life?". My mom was much more sensible and said that not getting into IIT wasn't the end of the world, that there were so many guys who didn't even complete their education and were still billionaires and CEOs of huge corporations. That lightened me up a bit. I now believe that it was pointless trying to kill yourself just because you hadn't got an IIT seat. Fact is, there are bigger things worth living for and your future could go any way, whether you become an IIT grad or not. 

After the summer got over, normal school and IIT coaching kept me on my toes. Things became tougher when it came to balancing these things. From day 1, even a goofball could tell that I lacked time management. Actually speaking, time management is the most important lesson these competitive exams taught me. Had I sorted out my problems while I was young, I might have been an All India topper. I advice all students to work on time management. In later posts, I will talk seriously about this issue, as not tackling such a crucial problem is equivalent to walking into a lion's den with nothing but a wooden twig to defend yourself.

However inner, self-created problems can be solved with determination and practice. How do you heal yourself from the loss of a loved one? That summer, I lost something way more precious and important than an IIT seat..........my grandmother. Her death happened in shocking circumstances and took the entire family by surprise. I loved her so much, that her death shattered my focus forever. I stopped studying continuously and became restless. I felt that I was the cause of her death and I could have saved her if I had wanted to. She left me in ashes. Both my grandmothers had gone and I knew nothing more than their real names. I still feel that her demise may have had a huge impact on my studies and how I am now. Nevertheless, I had to go on, because brooding over her death just pushed me into a blackhole of depression that could have killed me from the inside and everything I had wanted to achieve. And I learned another important lesson: Time is the greatest healer.

With a melancholic atmosphere in the house, it became tougher to study. Also, my dad, who was also a support system of mine, had decided to stay in the Gulf (where we grew up until I was 12 years old) to save money for my and my brother's higher education and to grow our savings till a certain time. School wasn't easy; I had to study hindi & social studies, along with what was being taught at IIT coaching. The class I was in had many irritating guys - all hell bent on making me look like a jackass, continuously trying to study at a time when everyone else was having fun. One very bad thing that happened was that I started thinking of how other people saw me-a failure and a misfit. I suddenly started worrying about how I looked and what I did in front of my classmates. There were a couple of very popular guys in my class, and started trying to get their attention, which was pointless. I later realized that I had been a fool to do such a thing, and gave it up. NEVER EVER TRY TO PLEASE ANYONE, ESPECIALLY YOUR CLASSMATES. Don't think you are any less, because each and every are special. If you really wanna be recognized and respected, then pursue your interests with complete passion and never will you crave for friends (although true friends will always be with you regardless of your achievements). Unfortunately, I experienced it in a very bad way and I have since been careful about whom I do favours.

I fell sick very often and still suffer from several ailments. There was an olympiad conducted in our school in October, 2009. I believed that I could come within the top 500 to qualify to the next round. On the eve of the exam, I had a horrible headache and I went down with fever. As luck would have it, I just managed to answer some questions in the olympiad. When the results came out, I had a rank of 611, just an inch away from some much needed success. That depressed me further. What was further crushing my life was the new system of education that had been introduced: CCE. Kapil Sibal, famous for his role at the 2007 Bali Summit, had been made Minister for Higher Education. He wanted to bring an American style approach to our education system to do away with rote learning. With his system of grades for 9th and 10th, he wanted less burden of studies on students, and he wanted them to take up extra curricular activities for all round development. Now the effects varied. Students who were good started taking part in sports and extra time activities such as competitions. They started missing classes excessively, because competitions are much more fun. Hence many lost focus for a major part of the year. To get back the awesome grades, they started rote learning, as it was easy enough to do so, with the entire syllabus being diluted to 8th standard levels. And the results came without much problem. So they never really understood what was important to be learnt. The situation was worse for bad guys. They stopped studying and started running away for competitions to bunk school, without winning anything. They never wanted to study; and the new system encouraged them to not do so. Thus results were coming in plentiful, but with no visible output. All of them suffered big time when they came to 11th, because then there is no respite whatsoever from studies. I still think the system is far from foolproof. The good guys, like me, started losing focus, and thought about trying our hand at competitions. Being in the 9th gave you certain privileges. You could bully your way into putting your name to represent school in competitions. So I started participating in quizzes and debates. One of my teachers knew I was a good student, so she sent me to BMUN, a mock United Nations session. The competitions started becoming an addiction, something like gambling time, initially spent on studies, on these awesome competitions. Thing is, I kept losing time. Not only was I unprepared for these competitions, but I was also falling back in my studies. My marks fell, although they were enough to scrap me an A1. And the continuous defeats started denting my confidence. I realized that I was no match for the Indian student level competitions, without preparation. For a guy who literally drank out of the Goddess of Success's hands for so many years (when I was abroad), repeated failures killed me from the inside. I started becoming even more morose. Why was my view so hazy............and where was the sun?

Then my mom decided we needed some peace of mind.......meditation was the key. Within an hour we had decided to go to tirupathi, to ask God to ease our pain. I asked for his help, because I wanted to live with happiness. More importantly, I wanted my depressed family to move ahead, instead of losing themselves further. It was so difficult to move around. Everyday had felt like a burden. I wanted to sleep and only sleep, so that I could forget reality and live in a world of my dreams. But that wasn't going to give me any reprieve from the sadness and I knew that only God could cure this illness. So I prayed for God to take away all this sadness and depression and give me a new beginning.

I believed it worked. 80% won't believe me; but neither did I ask you to read this blog. I felt that spring come back. Family life became normal again. It was easier to talk to people and my focus was coming back. But the first step was through my studies. I put in more efforts and things started looking easier to understand. I started top scoring in all the IIT and school tests. I wasn't winning many competitions, but my ability to advance to the final stages in many of them gave me confidence in my ability to succeed. It felt nice to be back on the taxiway (the strip on which aircraft taxi before takeoff).
Here, another important lesson was to be learnt But I feel that there were 2 incidents that really made me feel that I am now back on the track to success.

It happened in January, 2010. On some wednesday, a teacher randomly called me to her cabin. She told me that I was to represent the school in 'Aarohan-11', an annual fest held for students of different schools by Amrita Engineering School, Bangalore. It was a very huge event, some 70 schools had come. My teacher told me that I was to be drafted in 'Vaigyanik', a science quiz. I obviously thought that I was going to lose more time by not studying. Nevertheless, I liked these competitions and decided to learn more by participating. In any case, the next friday, me and my friends were sitting in a van headed to the college. I had breakfast and then headed in to a hall, which was filled to the brim with around a 100 guys, from all schools participating in the event. The competition sounded high profile. Anyways we were given an hour to answer the 25 "science" MCQs. It wasn't just science, it included some GK. Fact was, I think I got somethings by fluke. In the sense, I had gone to the Bannerghatta National Park sometime back and out of curiosity, simply memorized the scientific name of the Indian peacock - Pavo Cristatus, I think. Now guess what their question was?!!!!

I wrote the test and we guys started discussing the answers. I don't know why, but when the results came out, it had 14 names!! 3 people from our school had their names on the list.......ME INCLUDED!!!I was actually shocked. I hadn't expected to be declared a winner. I was soaring through the skies at that moment, when something struck me. 14 people ain't gonna win a prize. Then the organizer announced that the 14 were chosen to participate in the next round, an undisclosed event. Judging by what was said, I realized that I had just scraped through; my name was the last in that list!!!! Anyways, they called all of us to an auditorium and we were told to wait. After 36 minutes, to be precise, a couple of organizers followed by the principal came to meet us. They announced that we 14 had done the best among 150 guys!!! But obviously, there was a next round. The interesting part was, the next round wasn't another pen & paper thing (sort of obvious), but neither was it a quiz. That was strange...........what was it then? It was going to be a different type of elocution, or you could say speeches. We were asked to make a speech for 3 minutes on a scientist or inventor who we admired, and how his invention or thoughts changed the direction of science. Now normally, you are supposed to be given internet access to do research...........but that was the catch. NO RESEARCH ALLOWED! If you admire them, you gotta know everything there is to know about them, by heart! 

Now, in a situation like this, I jumped to the one thing I knew better than general science.........aerospace. I first tried to pick APJ Abdul Kalam, but another guy had already started writing his speech. So, I jumped to the next best guys: The wright brothers. Anyways, thinking up the inventor's name took up 7-8 minutes, and we were allotted only 10 before the first guy went on stage. I hadn't written much, when the first girl started her speech. I watched with abated breath as she stumbled through her sentences. This happened to the second guy also. And then I realized that if I finished writing my speech quickly and revised it, I needn't suffer from stage fear. Another thing that was on my side was the lot system; the organizers were picking up chits to decide the order of the people who were gonna speak. As luck would have it, my speech was the 9th in row, which gave me an extra 7 minutes to prepare and revise. When my turn came, I knew I had everything to gain by speaking with confidence and passion. I walked to the stage and I have since forgotten what happened in the next 4 minutes (I overshot time, but the judges didn't stop me!!!) I just remember getting pats on the back from my friends when I got back to my seat. I only remember one emotion that was oozing out of me at that moment: I knew I had won the judges' votes, I knew I had won everyone's cheers in that auditorium. I impatiently waited for the others to finish their speeches. It didn't really matter if I had won or not that day; I knew that I had got applause from everyone in that room that day. That's what mattered.

Nevertheless, I waited for the results. My friends said they knew this was definitely coming, but when the judges announced the results 30 minutes later, they had adjudged me as the best speaker and gave me 1st place. I don't remember whether my feet were still on the ground at that moment. When a winner is adjudged a winner, the amount of happiness bursting out of every pore is too much to control, and so was the case with me. I could feel the sights of every other guy who saw me win for the rest of the day, even during lunch. That long lost respect was what I had always craved for. At 5PM, a huge crowd gave me a resounding applause as I collected a certificate and a cash prize of Rs. 3000. I knew I deserved it, but more importantly, the judges and participants knew I deserved it, and that's what matters. As the bus started moving back home, and my friends continued to badger me into giving them a treat, my thoughts took me back to the days when I was considered a champion, an all-rounder as a small kid in the Gulf. But success is a journey, not a destination, and I knew greater things were there to be won.

Enough about that. The second thing that brought my spirits back up were my academic results. Realizing that I was falling back, I decided to work overtime on my preparation. I used to hide from my mother and used to study late night MOSTLY TILL 4 IN THE MORNING, only to feel sleepy next morning. This was my method, BUT I URGE YOU TO NEVER EVER FOLLOW ANY OF MY PLANS UNLESS YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH IT! I shall address this major issue in my future posts, for many students fall prey to stupid techniques. Nevertheless, the studies paid off. I secured an A1 in 9th standard, and needless to say that I deserved it. What was really surprising was the IIT coaching test results. I had actually managed to come 4th among all coaching centers of the institute put together!! That I felt was a bigger achievement, for a guy who couldn't spell "engineering" properly (please forgive my spelling mistakes!). It felt nice to go into 10th knowing that I had ended my 9th on a positive note.

There were many things that I experienced that year that have made me battle ready for today's world. This year was tumultuous in terms of learning opportunities and I still carry those lessons with me, as I ride on my plane to the sun of success. But there were some wrong things I picked up, which I corrected very much later and which cause me regret as I lost out in ways that can cause lots of heartburn and loss of important energy. For 10th, I had set about making a new set of goals and trying to achieve them, but things took a drastically different turn. To know more about what happened in that strange year, keep visiting my blog and wait for my next post.......... 
The first few drops in the ocean --- Part II

Till then, a quote to deeply understand............

"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others."

-- Ayn Rand 

 

Welcome to the Indian engineer's world!!!

The caption pretty much sums it up!!!

My netname is xprotocol. I am a simple guy, who decided that he wanted to change the world with his ideas and skills. I love airplanes and am an aerospace fanatic. I seriously hope to revolutionize the aerospace industry with my ideas. So I took up engineering, out of passion (not like the million other guys who look at engineering as a money cow!!). I was once abroad and I do understand the strain on such students trying to relocate and study in India.
So people with such problems can also ask me questions, stupid or complex are not very different for me.

The most important reason for starting this blog is because I want to give the story of my life after I shifted to India. My mistakes, my losses, my triumphs...........everything. I realized that no one actually talked about how the experience of preparing for competitive exams changed their lives or how people felt about engineering after having moved into a college. I searched so hard and yet couldn't find a blog, talking about how life was before college or how it is after. By giving my story, I feel I can tell people about stupid mistakes that people can make when it comes to taking decisions. I will portray, as frequently as possible, how I spent my life trying to be the best at what I do. I will talk about student life in school and in college and maybe if time permits, could even give you stories while at work abroad. I want to share my experiences with all those who aspire for success in the highest forms. 

I hope you read my blog, and learn from my mistakes............a life spent waddling in the waters of success and failure. I like thinking of my life as an ocean, sometimes smooth, sometimes very rough. But the sun, which represents my determination to succeed, has never left me. I hope to inspire people and build winners in today's tough world.